How To Avoid Awkward Silence: 3 Lessons From A Friday Night Netflix Binge Of “Love On The Spectrum”
Friday night I binge watched 8 episodes of Love On The Spectrum.
And if you haven’t watched it yet, go add it to your Neflix watch-list now. It’s a dating show for people with Autism. Watch and you’ll be rewarded with a masterclass in how to have better conversations.
Here’s why:
Autistic people think out loud. Which means awkward silence is verbalized. They “say” what most people “think.” And when they find themselves stuck in the middle of an awkward conversation you get to hear it. Watching this play out on screen helps you not only see your insecurity, but you’ll also learn what to do (and not do) the next time they creep up.
Let’s look at 3.
1. If you don’t know what to say — say that.
Just say it. As soon as the conversation hits a lull and you feel a twinge of the awkward tap you on the shoulder.
Just say what you’re thinking.
Because when you do two things will happen.
- You’ll relieve the tension.
- You’ll break the silence.
And chances are your partner is probably feeling the same thing too! So you are doing THEM a favor by taking the leading and saying what they are already feeling.
2. Pull on *any* thread with “Tell more about that ”
The easiest way to continue a conversation is to point it back to your partner.
Give them more space to talk. Take whatever the last thing they said was and ask them to tell you more. People are constantly telling you what they want to talk about. And they want to know if you care enough to listen. To them it feels like a risk to give a bunch of detail about their topic, so they drop hints, then silently wait to see if you’ll bite. And the way you take the conversation bait is by asking:
“Tell me more about that. Say more, that’s interesting!”
3. Mirror nouns & verbs with a story
So, this didn’t come from the show—but it should have.
It’s similar to the last point and requires you to be a good listener. Listen for the nouns and verbs your partner is sharing.
Listen for nouns.
Are they talking about their dog? A boat? Dinner? What “things” are they bringing up in the conversation?
Listen for action.
Did they go for a run? Are they telling you about cooking, sleeping, fishing, or volunteering?
Then mirror them.
You mirror a noun or a verb by scanning your own life for a similar experience. This is how you build a bridge with your conversation partner. “Oh, you went for a run. I used to run every morning. Then I pulled a calf muscle. How do you stay healthy?”
That’s it!
You just learned three quick tips to help you avoid the awkward silence in any conversation.
Reminder: it’s ok to be quiet too. You don’t have to talk 100% of the time.
